


I can't tell where the journey will end but I know where to start

by Bleeding_Changer



Category: Blink-182
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 10:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8245453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bleeding_Changer/pseuds/Bleeding_Changer
Summary: This is also a translation of my work made by amazing mangusta.This work is my own version of the relations of Mark and Matt through the years. So the mentioned years in the beginnings of the paragraphs are really (!) important so that you could understand the background (like creation of "Box Car Racer", Blink breakup, "Plus 44" tour etc.) of each situation.Hope you'll like it!P.S. the work was a bit inspired by this song





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is also a translation of my work made by amazing [mangusta](http://mangusta.tumblr.com/).
> 
> This work is my own version of the relations of Mark and Matt through the years. **So the mentioned years in the beginnings of the paragraphs are _really (!) important_ so that you could understand the background (like creation of "Box Car Racer", Blink breakup, "Plus 44" tour etc.) of each situation.**
> 
> Hope you'll like it!
> 
> P.S. the work was a bit inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIQdcSx5S1A)

_All this time I was finding myself_

_And I didn't know I was lost_

 

**15/07/1996**

 

What you expect from a gig is fun, which is mad and seems to be unreal sometimes, when you can just dive in the crowd of people who are just like you. A bunch of soul mates. They are not angry but embittered, not out of control but young, not dangerous but desiring right things.

What you don’t expect from a gig is to find a man who inspires you, who will be involved in your life in _(distant)_ future.

Warped ’96 was a blast, everyone was deeply impressed – bands were going crazy and did something amazing with their guitars; everything went back to life every day again and again, music set people’s minds free letting them throw all the shit away.

You never know that you can awake a really sincere love in the souls of your fans just by giving away everything you have during the live performance.

 

*******

 

**2009**

'Are you happy?'

Mark seemed to be watching through Matt and didn’t know what to answer, because he has been avoiding this question for a couple of weeks now.

With his eyes closed Hoppus saw Travis in the hospital and disappointed Tom, _sincere Tom,_ which he hasn’t seen for many years.

Suppressing a sigh, Mark half-smiled and he perfectly knew that Skiba – when was the time he began trusting him? -  will see this gesture as a bitter one.

 

**2001**

Careless times before the band started shattering in pieces, dying in the deep hole 14 years more.

 

**1998**

'My friend from local Illinois label brought a couple of cassettes of some new bands.'

'Do you suggest listening to them?'

'New sound usually makes you take things into consideration.'

Tom shrugged,

'Turn it on.'

 

**2001**

 

_Matt Skiba._

Black hair, nails painted the same colour – nail polish was partly scratched, partly because of playing the guitar most of the time; sharp cheekbones and lively eyes; chains of small tattoos here and there on the body; kinda hoarse voice from smoking, but coming alive every time during live performances.

He was like that when Mark met him for the first time.

 

Honda Civic Tour’01, bottles of beer flowing like rivers, and laughter, lots of laughter, that you couldn’t feel your cheeks. New friends – fateful, leading to thick nets of social connections for centuries.

It was warm May of 2001 and Matthew Thomas Skiba, chatting, hanging out nearby, laughing, playing, singing. _Admiring Blink-182._

 

'Any ideas about opening bands for the upcoming tour?' Travis looked at Mark who just came in.

'Mmh, yeah, by the way I’ve got an idea,' Hoppus landed on the sofa and looked at Barker with joy, 'I suggest taking Alkaline Trio with us.'

 

**2005**

> > Sent messages
> 
>  
> 
> Mark if you need me just send me a message.
> 
> 02:12 PM
> 
> 02/24/05

 

**December, 2015**

'So, we need you. And if you have energy, strength and time, I will be really happy if you help,' Mark looked back at Barker, 'We will be happy.'

Mark thought how much he was asking right now of a person who helped him no matter what. Who never deserved to exist only in the shade of Mark’s life.

Travis seemed to be pressed into the armchair waiting for Matt to answer, though it wasn’t obvious and Hoppus noticed this gesture only by the rustling sound of the upholstery.

They’ve been talking and discussing all the alternatives for so long and tried to understand if they really needed it. Skiba has been thinking over his answer for a couple of days now, and finally he nodded, naturally, like it wasn’t about putting his own projects on hold.

'Let’s give it a try?' he said

Hoppus instinctively decided to thin out the atmosphere and said seriously,

'Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.'  *****

Skiba bit his lip hiding a smile but let out a laugh,

'Do you make all the vital decisions cracking geeky Star Wars jokes?'

The relieved sigh was the Hoppus’ answer, he teheed tiredly, and Barker chuckled kindly and relaxed putting his arm on the armrest.

 

**2011**

'It’s been ten years, right? Ten years since the tour we really got to know each other,' Matt looked at Hoppus, and inertially twitched his fingers reproducing some unknown chord. He looked around and everything in the room reminded of Blink-182 – it’s been 2 years since the band’s mysterious reunion, but Skiba still couldn’t believe it.

Mark grinned,

'Seems right, man,' he thoughtfully looked at the windowsill full with coffee mugs, 'Hard to believe it.'

 

**2006**

> > Sent messages
> 
>  
> 
> Hey man, I know u’r in Chicago, so take your fine Skiba-ass to ‘Metro’ to our gig. Trav misses u! xo
> 
> 02:12 PM
> 
> 10/31/06

 

**April, 2015**

'By the way, I really wanted to apologize for a long time,' Matt looked up from the guitar and then put it away – recording and discussion of the materials was over for today, 'For what, erm, had happened after that "Plus 44" gig.'

Mark digressed from a sheet of paper with torn edges where he had just written down some ideas about the sound of the new song and bit his lip bringing this moment back in his head.

_Nine years ago._

He felt surprise and anticipation running through his body.

  
'it was an impulse', Matt continued.

'It happens sometimes, you know, alcohol and all that stuff. Just a sudden attraction, man.'

'No, it was an actual will to kiss.'

'Is there any difference between a sudden attraction and impulse to kiss?'

'Yes. In reasons.'

Hoppus squinted his eyes a bit, curiously and anxiously (how come?) watching straightened Matt. He opened his mouth a bit and was about to ask something but he froze and left the silent question float in the air, and then closed his mouth.

Skiba smiled – not the way he usually did it but confidently and with _raw charm_ – and shrugged:

'The attraction has never been short-run.'

 

 **2004**  


Playing on the stage of Warped Tour was one of the most unforgettable feelings in Matt’s memory: everything was just filled with punk spirit and other genres and you sang in another way. And you were breathing in another way.

He loved the fans standing in unbelievable heat, loved singing for them and like spreading waves of chaos and harmony down from the stage to the rows of fans.

And even more than that he loved to turn his head to the side and find there some other dedicated spectators, and among them he always could find a man with [unbelievably stupid mohawk](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xJmMVVZxCPs/hqdefault.jpg).

The most attentive listener.

The most supportive.

 

**2016**

It’s been a couple of days since Mark has confirmed Matt as a full-time member of the band (laughing so sincerely, as if it never needed any legal confirmation from him).

Skiba was sitting in the living room of Mark’s house and watched Jack thoughtfully looking for something in his phone and sometimes giving Matt interested looks. They knew each other quiet for a long time – the guitarist was a frequent guest in this house, so Jack felt comfortable and never was shy to joke or ask a million questions about something of his interest.

Hoppus came in to the room and gave Skiba a mug (it was _his_  mug in _their_ house) filled with coffee, then he just mowed a little further, sat down in an armchair near the window, facing the sofa.

While Jack was mysteriously silent and did something attentively in his phone, the both men slowly started talking about their own stuff. They didn’t talk about the album on purpose – it was an agreement between them, so that all the talk didn’t go to just one topic. But they talked about music anyway.

When the boy quickly told his father that he goes to some event with Skye and left to get ready, Matt started thinking about the band again. For a long time he’s been trying to believe that the fortune inexplicably let him exist in blink’s bassist’s life like nearly all the time. He didn’t know who he had to thank and didn’t know who he now owed so much.

But he knew one thing clearly.

'Mark, are you happy?'

Hoppus looked at Matt; they both remembered 2009 and the same question.

Mark looked down not even trying to hide a soft smile.

Matt watched the sunbeam, running around the room and smiled like in a sign of reciprocity.

He suddenly admitted to himself that he has been missing those Mark’s simple and sincere emotions.

'Sure.'

 

 __________

* - Yoda's quote from "The Empire Strikes Back"

 


End file.
